Wow! My last post was on October 29th. However, you wouldn’t know that because it’s a private post… I reread it just now and am actually trying to figure out why I made it private in the first place. Maybe I’ll make it public soon.
It is a beautiful New Year’s Eve day. I haven’t paid much attention to the weather lately but as I got a couple hours into work today, the snow started falling and the world quickly turned white.
The snow is coming straight down from the heavens, slow and steady, and is falling so gracefully. This may be a stretch, but it is reminding me of the verse in Psalm 51 that says, “Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow” (Ps 51:7).
I am actually going through a phenomenal devotional that a dear friend is lending to me titled Whiter than Snow. It is a book based on the entire chapter of Psalm 51, by Paul David Tripp. It is absolutely perfect for this season in my life.
Lately, I’ve been struggling with the need for grace (don’t we all!) The older I get the more screw ups I make and the more grace I need. The problem is sometimes I forget that I even need it.
I’ve been so stressed out with family drama this week. So concerned with how I look to other people. I forget that even though people often don’t show grace where grace is needed, the only one I need to readily receive grace from is Christ. His opinion of me is all that I should be concerned about.
Right before this drama started playing out, I made some really poor choices, and made another poor choice on top of that to share that information with someone who only used it as leverage against me. So when I felt the need to voice my concern about this person, they decided to use the information against me.
Don’t get me wrong, I love this person dearly. But after a long time of walking on eggshells, attempting to avoid them seeing me at my worse or else they’d use it against me, I got weak and tired and let them in at the worst possible time.
For a couple of days, the fact that I had been such a poor example really stressed me out. I knew (and still know) that this person was going to take this image of me and freeze-frame it for the rest of my life. “Hey Amelia, remember that time when you…” is going to be a phrase I will hear a lot from this point forward I’m afraid.
However, I started this devotional and it has already taught me that while this person may hold on to my sins for the rest of my life, Christ died on the cross for my forgiveness and He gives me grace and mercy to move forward, and that’s the only thing that counts. His opinion is the only one that truly matters in the grand scheme of things. It doesn’t mean that at times this won’t be hurtful. It just means that I will have the strength to push through because I know my God has forgiven me my failures, made me whiter than snow, and I’m not concerned with anyone else’s opinion on the matter. They can’t get me into Heaven. Christ can.
Happy New Year everyone!