A woman with no voice

I love singing. I have played piano for well over twelve years and even still, singing is my favorite by far. The voice can sound so heavenly can’t it?

Last Wednesday afternoon I went to an ENT, he stuck an ungodly long contraption UP MY NOSE and down into my throat to get a look at my “voice box,” and whatdya know, I have vocal nodules. To use his exact words, “Very prominent” vocal nodules. Crap.

So, I’ve been put on vocal rest for however long it takes to stop sounding like an old man who’s smoked his whole life. Okay, it’s not really THAT bad, but apparently this could take around three months.

Vocal rest. Do you know what that means? No, I don’t have to cease talking for three months, although I almost wish they would make me! But seriously, as if that would even be possible for a gal like myself. I am CONSTANTLY talking. I talk so much my mouth hurts. I talk so much I give myself vocal nodules. The ENT said the damage was most likely done by something I do with my voice every day, and most likely nothing I’ve done with singing. I guess I started getting lazy with my pitch. Hrrmph.

There are three things I’ve learned since Wednesday.

1) I sing ALL THE TIME.
Like seriously, do you have any idea how difficult it is to be consciously aware of when you’re singing. I’ll be halfway through a song before I realize I have been singing since the beginning! It’s a lot more difficult to control than you realize.

2) Funny voices may be fun, but not good on your vocal chords.
I am a full time nanny. One year olds are tough crowds to entertain, but boy do they love my funny voices. Needless to say, we’ve all been suffering.

3) There are more ways to worship than one.
Maybe God didn’t give me nodules, but I’d be willing to bet He allowed them to happen, and for the simple fact that I needed to come to the realization that, while singing is the most impactful worship act for me it’s not always the most impactful for Him. What is the purpose for worship except doing what is most pleasing to Him.

I’m not saying God doesn’t appreciate worship in the form of music and singing, but there are somewhere between ten and twenty trillion other ways to worship our great and mighty God (Have I ever mentioned to you before how much I am prone to exaggeration?). I’ve realized that sometimes God allows us to go through trials like these so that we can learn new tools for His glory. I need to stop complaining about the trial and start learning something from it for crying out loud! So I guess this is my lot in life for the next several weeks. Learning to glorify my God without the use of my vocal chords.

Sincerely,

A woman with no voice.